Dear Jim:  I’m 61 and have been married for forty years. We were high school sweethearts, but we haven’t been sweethearts---or much of anything---for a long time. There’s very little conversation, very little companionship, and no sex. Basically, we’re married in name only. He had a serious accident on the job ten years ago (his right leg had to be amputated), and he’s been on disability ever since (he was an over-the-road trucker). He’s depressed but won’t admit it. He just watches TV and drinks till he falls asleep. I’ve tried over and over to get him motivated to get help, but nothing works. I can’t stand living like this, but when I think about divorce I get terrified. I have a job, but we barely have enough coming in to keep one household going, much less two. Do I have any options at this point? (“Lynn”)

Dear Lynn:  I think you do have options. And one of them, despite what you’ve said, is divorce.

You should have a consultation with a divorce lawyer, not necessarily to file for divorce but to get information. An experienced divorce lawyer can look at all the facts surrounding your marriage, including your finances, and give you a sense of what to expect if you were to go to court. It’s possible that a judge might award you enough money or property to at least allow you to get on your feet and start a new life.

A lawyer could also explain the differences between a divorce and a legal separation. A legal separation could be a more attractive option than a divorce if you’re reluctant to officially end a forty-year marriage. (And who wouldn’t be, even when the marriage leaves a lot to be desired?)

There’s also the option---and it might be your best option right now---of an informal, or “trial,” separation. I’m sure you could use some time away from your husband in order to think clearly and escape the depressing atmosphere of your home. Although renting and furnishing your own apartment would be costly, there are less-expensive alternatives.

For example, if you have a friend or relative who lives alone and has a guest room, that person may welcome the chance for some companionship, some rental money, and maybe some help with the housework. It could be a win-win situation. If you don’t know anyone in that situation, you can put an ad in the newspaper or on craigslist. In this economy, there are a lot of people out there who would welcome a mature roommate who has a job.

Living apart for a while may also serve as a wake-up call to your husband, especially if you make it clear you’re not coming home until he agrees to get help for his depression and his drinking. He needs to have it impressed on him that this is his last and best chance to pull his life together and save his marriage.

So, yes, you have options, but exercising your options---especially options like these---can take a toll. You’ve got to take care of yourself while all this is going on. If your health insurance has mental health coverage or if you have an employee assistance program at work, schedule some sessions with a psychologist. See your primary care doctor and make sure he or she knows what’s going in your life. If you’re active in a church, talk about these issues with your pastor. Get some fresh air and exercise every day, and make time for friends and other people who make you feel good about yourself.

Good luck, Lynn, and please let me know what happens.