A fabulous relationship has many of the same attributes as a great friendship. When it’s working, you can feel the “ka-chunk” as it settles neatly into its place in the universe. There’s someone to zip your dress, give an opinion about what tie goes with that jacket, get aspirin for your headache, or laugh at your jokes. Good stuff. But what sustains a committed relationship and makes it GREAT is emotional intimacy. That’s what makes living together easy and comfortable—and why every couple should have intimacy rituals that can be practiced daily.

No, I don’t mean candles, heated massage oil, and the hot tub. Those are great for sexual intimacy. But let’s not confuse physical intimacy with emotional intimacy. You cannot rely solely on sex to provide the intimacy you need to have a great relationship. Yes, a good sex life is important, but without emotional intimacy, your relationship is likely to wither and die.

One of the most ieffective things a couple can do to stay intimate is to talk to each other. I don’t mean brief bits of conversation as you fly out the door, texting, or emailing. I mean face-to-face, sit-down-and-talk-to-me time. I realized how important this was in my own marriage when home renovations interrupted our routine. Dale is the cook in our house. While our home was being remodeled, we had no place for that. In fact, we had no kitchen at all unless an electric skillet and coffee pot count as a kitchen. Meals were eaten in front of the TV in the room that served as our den, my office, and our guest room. Then, one night, when the renovations were done, I sat for the first time in our new breakfast nook, had a glass of wine, and we chatted while Dale cooked. We realized how much we had missed that together time and how important it is to our emotional intimacy.

Now, our days start with Dale sitting in the bathroom and chatting with me while I get dressed for the office. We don’t talk about anything special. We’re just together for a

few minutes before we go our separate ways. We come back together in the evening. We don’t answer the phone and the TV is off. We talk about current events or Dale’s trip

to the grocery store where he ran into a friend, we chuckle over something cute a grandchild said, we plan a dinner party, or revisit a favorite memory. An eavesdropper would find it mundane, but for us, it’s a reconnection after being apart all day. And, here’s the good part: we continuously learn new things about each other as the free-flow conversation goes wherever it goes.

Intimacy rituals don’t have to be complicated or take a big chunk of time. They can even be part of a daily chore or event. For you, an intimacy ritual might be cooking dinner together, praying together, doing an evening crossword puzzle together, taking an evening walk, dressing together in the morning, or turning off the TV and snuggling and chatting for 20 minutes before going to sleep. One couple I know end their days by sharing with each other their favorite moments of the day so each day ends on a happy note. Nice.

Intimacy rituals are a celebration of your relationship and your togetherness. When you take a few minutes every day to consciously connect, you’ll find yourselves feeling more emotionally intimate all day long.